EXCLUSIVE! Michael Jackson Not Dead

In his most thrilling media stunt yet the King of Pop basket cases burst through the doors to the ER, dancing, prancing, moonwalking and tossing false noses to adoring fans like Elvis with the scarves in Las Vegas. Sources tell us he will soon resume his sideline activity from the "Thriller" days - going door to door disguised as an old lady soliciting money for his fellow Jehovah's Witnesses. Yet another earth-shattering scoop that Wolf Blitzer missed, but Jello Biafra didn't. And TMZ?